These last weeks Silence have been fully Present, Heavy, Light, Roaring, Demanding, Determined to integrate itself fully in my Body. Whisper Beautiful words into my ear my Mind cant translate yet. Pulling me Into The Open Ocean, turning my floor into big Waves, Makes me Seasick, No Land in sight, no shore to rest. Love has taken all of me and is swallowing me whole.
Filling my DNA and my Cells with Unlimited and New Information, fire all my bodyguards, Pulling me, stretching me, make me expand. Deeper I Soar, everything is upside down, Calm Nearness, Heavenly Champagne in my Veins.
I was raised by Swans, but their wings had been clipped and their food got them drunk and their nest was not made for their hurricanes and tornadoes. They did not succeed clipping my Wings, I fled before they got sober. These days Truth and Clarity forcing me to throw up everything they fed me with. Eternity in bits and pieces on the floor, dead dolls in the corner and marbles in childhood colours, my magnitude stored in cabins in the basement like rusty canned boxes, Bird feather necklaces and crushed glass pearls. Glossy pictures, blue christmas memories, white shoes and dusty puzzle pieces covered with spider webs under the staircase. The dancing ballerina inside the jewel box has become fat because her spinning stopped and She lost her shoes and her tutu is being redesigned because it no longer fit into Her plans to escape the jewel box where the walls that was covered with silk has been stolen by the Corleone Family. Remnants of wild flowers that I removed every petal from when I had to know, did my boyfriend love me or love me not, love me or love me not. Only one flower had still one petal left, that was when I had outgrown this childish behaviour and stopped asking the flowers instead I walked into the world of motown – jukebox – music – heaven – kissing behind the school – make up – pink platform shoes – rebel – mission – moments.
I am leaping between worlds, between lives, all doors are opened , and the summers and winters, autumns and spring is changed for ever, and I am still giving myself over to this wild wind and the massive waves of my Oceans. Silence is speaking unsuppressed truth to my body, my belly, my womb, controlling and observing my willingness to give it all away, the hows and what if, the ecstatic visions that was supposed to make me feel safe. I am taken Deeper into the caves of the Mountain King, I am being pulled into feelings of total collapse of old fairytales, and I am forced to crush my glass shoes and with them all my Grand Plans to be married so I can have half of the Kingdom and my Castles. I have to become fully Love Itself, before She removes the giant stone in front of the opening to the Mounain Kings Cave. My Majesty is disappearing, telling me I have to give away everything again, so The Silence can have all of me all by Herself. She has attached the red banner to the edge of heaven and gives me speed so I can swing back and forth from the sun and the moon and this Time She has removed the safety net.
Silence is bringing me flowers but instant when I hold them in my hands they turns into dragonflies filled with shining new colours, white butterflies, pale soft pink and light blue colibries, honeybees with golden wings, storks with several wings of white fire deliver babies to bear mothers, lion fathers, deer babies with long legs run deeper into the wild woods where the food is fruits are growing in the tallest trees and nourished by the mountain streams, new books with new symbols in pure gold that is flowing, moving and changing the shape, music only possible to hear through new feelings never felt before. Silence has delivered me at The Doorstep of Christmas Itself, and Its Massive Doors has been opened by everything Wild, and is being born in new shapes and colours. No wonder our lives and bodies has to be given over to Love Itself for everything reliable only. Only in the Wild Rush will we be able to destroy every hard resistance to Life Itself.